I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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