Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
