Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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