I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
