is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
