Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
