There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
