I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize