if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
