I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
