Hey man sorry I got all grabby
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
