You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
