so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
