So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
