If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize