Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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