How'd it feel making her break her religion?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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