He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
