Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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