i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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