I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
