Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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