even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
