I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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