You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
