Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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