Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
