You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
