So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
