Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
