got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
