you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
