i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
