you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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