you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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