i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
