I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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