Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
