She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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