At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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