i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
