Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
there is puke in my bra ... again
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