so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
