My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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