I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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