nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
