half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
