Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
