I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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