So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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