soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
