It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize