If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
