If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
