If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
