my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
