Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
