So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
