So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
