So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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