when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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