for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
