Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she peed on how many people?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
