i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
