Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
