Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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