She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
