Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
