I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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