Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
