We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
