dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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