her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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