my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
