Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
