hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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