until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
