Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if only i could text you this smell
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
