i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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