fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
