when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
