I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
