Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
