i love accidental penises.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
