I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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